In pursuit of shorts

In what I swear – pinkie promise – is not a humble brag, I have a confession:

My current pair of go-to shorts have to be at least a decade old.

They’re denim, soft (obviously, after a decade of wear). They’ve held up really , really well. But now, they’re actually (oh god, I swear guys, not bragging) too big. I didn’t mind in the least until I caught my reflection in the mirror one day and realized that it’s giving me a droopy butt. That combined with the fact that my underwear frequently makes an appearance over the gaping waistband and – of fine. I guess I should get a pair that fit. Ugh. And so started my pursuit for a new pair of shorts.

I’ve bought a pair (and returned said pair) several times over the summer, from different places. My problem is that shorts have gotten just so darn tiny these days, especially denim shorts. Call me modest (and, let’s face it, a 30-year-old), but I’d prefer it if my cheeks didn’t peek out from beneath my shorts. I tried several styles of longer shorts but I have not managed to find a style that suited me. They’ve either been too long, or made me look stumpy, or flattened my butt, or all three of those things combined into one truly awful pair. (And don’t even get me started on the ridiculous levels the “distressed” trend has climbed to.)

I managed to find a pair of American Eagle (the brand of my current shorts) shorts at Thred Up. They’re a dark wash, a size smaller than my current pair, and they seemed to check all the right boxes. I got them in and they fit perfectly well except they are so damn short. SO SHORT.

Still though, I haven’t managed to find anything else, so I’m hoping that after a few wears, they’ll stretch out just a tiny bit so that they’ll be a bit lower (if they loosen up a bit).

Anyway, it’s an ongoing saga. One that makes me feel so very, very old as I shake my fist at the sky and curse today’s teens for setting the shorts bar so very, very high – er – short.

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