One and Done.

The past week has been… A Week. Work has been busy. Home life has been busy. And the one thing that I wanted to talk about, I really wasn’t in a place to talk about yet. Thus, radio silence here.

When we talked last, Luffy and I were (air quotes) decided. I’ve left out quite a bit since then. It took me all of two or three weeks to change my mind. Luffy hadn’t changed his mind though and, during a particularly rough week, Luffy made it very clear that he was very certain. Since my blabbering on about it was what appeared to drive Luffy over the edge, I vowed to keep silent. But then! Luffy told me that he did want another one. Yay! We appeared to be on the same page and I didn’t think about it anymore.

Except – me and my mouth – I casually referenced the second child thing last week and it sent Luffy into a tailspin. I blamed a stressful few days at work for him and hoped it would blow over. But then, last Thursday, the dumpling randomly woke up at 10:15 and couldn’t re-settle himself. Luffy and I took turns, but I ultimately ended up awake with the dumpling, getting to bed at 2:30am. The next morning, Luffy very kindly offered to get up with the dumpling to give me a bit more sleep, but when I did get up, I could tell something was on Luffy’s mind. We had already arranged for a mini lunch-date, but Luffy told me (via text) that he wanted to discuss this second child thing over lunch.

And I knew. Deep in my heart and my stomach. I knew what he was going to tell me.

I prepped myself and reasoned with myself and knew that, ultimately, I agreed with him. One child would be the best choice for our family. For so many reasons.

And yet, when we sat down and he actually said the words to me – that he was certain he would only want one child – I cried. I was saddened. For you see, much like the decision for the mode of the dumpling’s delivery was taken from me, so too was this decision. If the decision was solely mine and existed in a sort of vacuum where I could ensure everyone’s happiness and smooth-sailing, I absolutely would have a second child. Without hesitation. And for reasons I can’t articulate, other than yes. But, of course, the decision isn’t solely mine and I can’t guarantee that it wouldn’t be stressful or challenging (or, you know, ruin our lives, but I’m trying to think positively here). And so. The decision has been made.

We’re one and done. Truly.

It really is the best decision for us, for reasons that I won’t get into here (after all, some things deserve to be private). And even after just a couple of days with my adjusted expectations, I can already find so many more pros.

And yet. I found myself holding my baby even closer this weekend, trying to memorize exactly the way his small body feels when he sits in my lap or gives me a hug. It’s futile, I know. These moments are just as fleeting as his newborn days were (in hindsight of course!). And this evening, after a few hours of the back-and-forth he’s happy! he’s miserable! he’s happy! he’s miserable!, I was blissfully reminding myself that we’d only have to get through this once. It’s comforting and surprisingly liberating.

So yeah, a little anti-climatic for the blog I suppose, since I’m essentially confirming where we last left things. But yes, we’re one and done. Period.



We’re alive!

Blurgh – those were a rough few days, but I think we’ve turned the corner (frantically knocks on wood).

Luffy ended up going to urgent care at like 7am last Friday morning because he needed help with that cough. He lost his voice, he coughed so much. They gave him a steroid shot and a stronger cough medicine. He’s still coughing, but I think it’s less? So yay?

I cried uncle Monday morning. My allergies gave way to a sinus infection, which left me with excruciating sinus pain all weekend (even WITH sudafed). The last straw was pink eye. I woke up Sunday morning with some crust in my eye, but groggily wiped it all away without really inspecting the damage. Monday morning though, I couldn’t even open my eye so off to the doctor I went. Sinus infection – check. Upper respiratory infection – check. Bacterial pink eye – check. Lots of medication. Twas fun. Especially because this antibiotic gets the medal for being the first ever to make me vomit. Yay!! (It’s one of those that’s supposed to be taken on an empty stomach except that I can’t handle that and need to take it with a few crackers.)

So now that we’re all on the mend, I have a few important updates to get to:

I bought the dumpling a play kitchen and it truly might be the cutest thing I have in my entire house (except the dumpling himself, obviously).

We had an old gift card to Toys R Us lying around and I realized that we should use it pretty quickly if we wanted to use it at all. I’d been eyeing a few play kitchens recently, wondering if the dumpling was old enough to enjoy them now, so I decided it was time. With gift card in hand, I purchased a cute set on Saturday night and was astounded to see it on my porch on Tuesday. I put it together immediately because I have no cool, though I did at least have the presence of mind not to show it to the dumpling until he actually had some time to play with it (our nights are pretty busy between our evening walks and his extended dinner time). This morning he got up early enough to have some time to play with it after breakfast and I’m pretty sure he loved it. He was excited to find all of the little hidey-holes and things-that-open and things-that-make-noise.

In more adorable news, the dumpling has started taking a stuffed animal with him to bed. It all started Sunday night; in a typical act of toddler stalling, the dumpling was requesting item after item from the bathroom counter. In trying to appease him (and stave off the meltdown), Luffy handed him the humidifier cap. The dumpling then refused to let go of it while we were dressing him and getting him ready for the night. So much so that we couldn’t get it away from him when we put him into his crib. What’s the harm, we thought and figured we’d sneak in to get it after he fell asleep. We watched on the monitor as he fell asleep, holding the cap with both hands. It was precious.

The next night, Luffy gave him a stuffed dog to take with him and the dumpling was delighted with the new cribmate. Plus, watching your toddler cuddle with a stuffed animal is about THE most precious thing you will ever witness.

One last item, just for me. Yesterday I wore my very smallest pre-pregnancy work slacks for the first time. Go me!

Spring has sprung

…and it’s kicking our asses.

Luffy has had a cough since we caught that virus at the concert. It keeps getting a little better worse better worse definitely worse.

The dumpling’s been congested for a solid week or so now. Poor baby alternates between a nose that’s completely blocked or running like a faucet.

And me? Well I’ve been better, thanks.

Back in January, after I woke up to huge, puffy eyes again, I finally made an appointment with an allergist. (I don’t want to search through the archives right now, but in case I haven’t mentioned it, the puffy eye thing has actually been a recurring issue since that first time. It varies in severity, but it’s happened a dozen times or so.) Now, I don’t mean to brag or anything, but my skin panel was impressive – even to the allergist! I had a positive result for literally every single thing they poked me with*. Even worse news, I had severe reactions to at least one plant, though often multiple, in every season. So that means whether it’s spring, summer, or fall, if something is actively growing I can pretty much guarantee that I will be suffering from allergies.

Now, the allergist was quick to recommend allergy shots with “results like mine.” We looked into it and while it’s something that I might ultimately do, we’ve decided to hold off for now. They’re just so expensive, on the hope that they work well for you. Luffy pointed out that the severe reactions started shortly after I stopped eating kimchi like clockwork. If you do any research into fermented veggies, many people tout their usefulness in helping allergies. I rolled my eyes hard when I read that, mostly because you frequently come across sites that get a tad bit … carried away in their benefits list. Gastric problems! Allergies! Skin issues! Headaches! Cold/flu! Aging! Cancer! World hunger! World peace! THE LIST GOES ON!!!! Ahem. However, when Luffy made the connection, it did give me pause and I wondered if it might be more than just hippy-dippy nonsense. So I’m picking the kimchi habit back up.

Anyway, all of that to explain that these past two weeks have looked like this:

Tree pollen: VERY HIGH
Grass pollen: MODERATE

And so, you see, I have been better. I hope pollen isn’t wreaking havoc for you.

*The skin panel is done on your back, so you can’t see the results (obviously). As I was laying there, I remember the doctor only calling out a negative for one test spot. After I got home, I was eager to see the one thing I was actually NOT allergic to. It was the control. I laughed so hard at that. Officially allergic to ALL THE THINGS.


We’ve always had a small issue with sugar ants in our living room (of all places). I used to find a stray ant or two every once in a while, but now that the dumpling is older (and thus, 78% stickier and prone to leaving crumb trails behind), I really have to stay on top of vacuuming and pick-up to keep the ants at bay. I’ve figured out exactly where they’re coming from and have a few tricks to head off the masses that somehow seem to sense exactly when the dumpling has left his snack container out of sight. While I wouldn’t say I’m chill with their appearance, I have at least accepted it.

However, I can’t say the same for the ants that appeared in our kitchen, just inches away from my baby’s table over the weekend.

I first noticed one on Saturday evening. It was enormous, at least compared to the microscopic black ants that journey into our living room. It was scurrying across the window bench (we have a big bay window in the kitchen). I quickly disposed of it and prayed to the home-ownership gods that it would be the only one. Maybe it came in with the mail? That happens right?

My hopes were dashed when I ventured into the kitchen Sunday morning and found dozens more. Some were already dead, caught in the spider’s web (yay spiders!!), but most were still roving through our recycling and not really accomplishing anything other than freaking me out. I cleaned them all up (our trash probably had at least 50 ants in it by the end of the day), but the next wave appeared shortly after. It was then that I made a discovery: the window ledge had a little gap and they were pouring* out from there.

*Not literally, like apocalypse style, but it definitely felt like it. stupid ants

I sent Luffy to the store for caulk and a caulk gun because NO THANK YOU. I can deal with tiny sugar ants trying to abscond with graham cracker crumbs. I could not deal with these giants trying to abscond with my baby** while he eats his breakfast.

**Again, not literally, but you catch my drift. stupid ants

And so, after we put a very confused*** dumpling down for the night, Luffy and I tackled the ant portal. Neither of us had ever caulked anything and while I’m pretty sure caulk guns are supposed to be self-explanatory, considering they don’t even come with instructions, we had a heck of a time trying to get caulk out. We somehow managed to get it to come out the back of the tube before we were successful with getting it to come out of the tip. And, after thinking several times that I had cut the opening too small, our resulting nozzle tip could have accommodated a U-Haul. Thus, my “line” is more like a tornado’s debris path. But! We successfully closed the ant portal, so take that! Stupid ants.

And how was your weekend?

***Thanks daylight savings time!

Polishing Up the Home, pt 2

More progress has been made!

Except not on any of those things I mentioned there. I’m still, uh, working on those. I need to go buy fixtures and deck repair supplies. And then schedule out an official time with the handyman (though I have at least contacted him, so that’s progress).

Instead, we mounted our flat screen TV to the wall for maximum mature-adult-lives-here-ness. And when I say “we,” I mean our friend. Because I have never hung anything that big or expensive and wanted some help. He’s an engineer, so he was allllll over the chance to use power tools and a level. Plus, I have never witnessed such an organized assembly process, and that says a lot coming from me because I like to think my own assembly process is pretty damn organized. He put me to shame there, but thanks to his help, we got the TV mounted in a couple of hours Saturday evening.

This served two purposes, really. First, the all-purpose anchors I bought to anchor the TV (among other things) were not compatible with the TV. Because OF COURSE. Second, the dumpling has already stumbled upon Jas’ patented game. If we are sitting in the living room with the TV on, which honestly doesn’t happen all that often, and he decides that we’re not paying him enough attention, which happens every single time, he’ll pound the TV with his little hands or snack cup. I get up to redirect him and he goes right back to pounding because he thinks it’s a hilarious game. Pound. Re-direct. Pound. Re-direct. Etc. So, mounting the TV not only ensured that it wouldn’t fall on him, it also places the TV out of reach. Score one for mom and dad!

So now I just need to find a nice cable organizer to conceal the half dozen cables roped between our TV and various devices. And I need to find something to conceal the power strip. And I need to re-center the TV stand, which now just holds all of our various devices and no TV. And the wall looks so bare, since we hung the TV pretty high, so maybe I can find a nice fake plant to green up the space a bit? Just a couple of things added to the to-do list.

You know, now that I think about it, I’m pretty sure this was just a one step forward, two steps back kind of thing.

A little catch-up

Uh… hello?

Sorry for the unscheduled time off there. Last week was… well, it was a week. There were very low lows. Arguments and fights, rational discussions and irrational ones. Built-up tension that exploded. It was messy and one of the longest days/nights of my life. But! We are all better now and the week ended on an amazing note.

My mom came down to watch the dumpling and Luffy and I took off with our friends to watch Above & Beyond. The concert was incredible, as usual, and it was fantastic to be able to spend one-on-one time with Luffy again. It made me realize that we need to get out more often, just the two of us. We stayed out late, had lengthy conversations with friends, picked up fast food at 1AM – all the things that make you feel like you’re still in college. [Although, as a bonus, a much-younger friend commented that Luffy and I were the coolest parents ever – high-fives husband!]

Unfortunately, we’re paying for our night out with matching viruses. It hit us hard yesterday, at practically 11am on the dot. Fevers and fatigue, which is fantastic when you’re trying to keep up with a toddler. We’re feeling a smidge better today, but still not great.

And I think that catches us up!

Oh! Except my pursuit of a bra! I know you were on the edge of your seat and you’ll be glad to learn that I was successful. Now I just need to send back two bras and exchange another and I will officially have two bras in my “real” size. Don’t get intimidated by all of my adulting!

Blog Reruns

I got all charged up to talk about my hunt for a new bra and had this moment of deja vu when I sat down at the computer. Oh right… I’ve already talked about this.

I talked then about how my “real” band size is a 28 or 30. I don’t have any bras in my “real” size. All of my current bras are from VS because I know exactly what size will (mostly) fit me there. However, I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to purchase my “real” size through an online store. I’ve purchased two separate bras and had zero luck so far. The first was just laughably big, by every measure, because I had a moment of amnesia and blissfully forgot about the whole “real” size issue. The second bra I’m less sure about. To be fair, I probably chose poorly, in trying to buy my first “real” sized bra because this particular style was flagged as running shallow in the cup. Order a up a cup size! the site told me, so I did. And it doesn’t really fit. My boobs still seem squished in the center. I ordered another cup size up (which, for anyone keeping track, is now two cup sizes above what I really am), but I had the thought that maybe it’s just the design of the bra.

I hate that I’m paying $7/bra to try these things on (essentially, as that’s the cost to return the bra). I’ll probably try going into an actual store later on, if this third round of bras yields nothing. Or, you know, I could just forget the whole endeavor for a while and try again in another couple of years. Stay tuned!

Speaking of boobs (nice segue self!) how was your Valentine’s Day? Ours was nice. I decided on Monday to make a nice dinner for Luffy and myself. Nothing fancy, just something with a tad more effort that a typical Wednesday night dinner. I decided to do big, thick steaks and my favorite mac and cheese. We shared my good champagne and I made Luffy’s favorite mini cheesecakes. It was a really nice night if we don’t speak of the overstimulated, sugar-blitzed toddler I wrestled and wrangled from the time I picked him up to the moment I tossed him (lovingly) into bed. Poor kiddo was just plumb tuckered out from his first Valentine’s Day party.