Blog Reruns

I got all charged up to talk about my hunt for a new bra and had this moment of deja vu when I sat down at the computer. Oh right… I’ve already talked about this.

I talked then about how my “real” band size is a 28 or 30. I don’t have any bras in my “real” size. All of my current bras are from VS because I know exactly what size will (mostly) fit me there. However, I’ve spent the last two weeks trying to purchase my “real” size through an online store. I’ve purchased two separate bras and had zero luck so far. The first was just laughably big, by every measure, because I had a moment of amnesia and blissfully forgot about the whole “real” size issue. The second bra I’m less sure about. To be fair, I probably chose poorly, in trying to buy my first “real” sized bra because this particular style was flagged as running shallow in the cup. Order a up a cup size! the site told me, so I did. And it doesn’t really fit. My boobs still seem squished in the center. I ordered another cup size up (which, for anyone keeping track, is now two cup sizes above what I really am), but I had the thought that maybe it’s just the design of the bra.

I hate that I’m paying $7/bra to try these things on (essentially, as that’s the cost to return the bra). I’ll probably try going into an actual store later on, if this third round of bras yields nothing. Or, you know, I could just forget the whole endeavor for a while and try again in another couple of years. Stay tuned!

Speaking of boobs (nice segue self!) how was your Valentine’s Day? Ours was nice. I decided on Monday to make a nice dinner for Luffy and myself. Nothing fancy, just something with a tad more effort that a typical Wednesday night dinner. I decided to do big, thick steaks and my favorite mac and cheese. We shared my good champagne and I made Luffy’s favorite mini cheesecakes. It was a really nice night if we don’t speak of the overstimulated, sugar-blitzed toddler I wrestled and wrangled from the time I picked him up to the moment I tossed him (lovingly) into bed. Poor kiddo was just plumb tuckered out from his first Valentine’s Day party.



Quick – someone send me something to read! But, like, something easy. I’m bored, but also tired.

I have the mental acuity of an earthworm today, all thanks to the dumpling. I’m not even sure what happened. He woke up at 11:15 last night and I thought I had him resettled, only to hear him over the monitor the second I laid down again. I then spent an hour with him, not really doing much other than hovering and patting. I would swear he was asleep and then a minute later, he’d be rolling around again. I finally felt confident enough to go back to bed at 12:30, only to be woken again an hour later. I gave up at that point and just camped out beside his crib, propped up on pillows with my arm through the crib slats. He didn’t really need anything, other than the weight of my hand on his body. Although it’s times like these when I sort of wish he was more of a cuddler so I could at least take him to the guest bed and get some rest myself. More often than not, he wants back into his crib when I take him out to comfort him, so I end up contorting myself in an effort to reach into his crib while also trying to be comfortable myself.

So yeah, not really sure what was up. He was perfectly cheerful this morning (after I changed him out of his PJ’s that is, he was not pleased with me during that ordeal).

But yeah, now I’m dragging around because (1) I got like five hours of broken sleep last night and (2) my thirty-year-old body doesn’t appreciate sleeping on the floor. And I don’t really have anything else to chat about today. I have a tendency to take a not-so-great night like last night and throw in a little toddler-is-toddler behavior and a smidge of my own neurosis and – BAM – all is terrible! Much woe! Life is horrible and why did I do this to myself! Writing it down puts it into perspective a bit. So thanks for that, for being a sounding board.

Busy Baby

I walk into my bathroom, opening a lower drawer to retrieve a facial cloth and discover all of my tampons have been relocated. They are loose and rolling everywhere. I chuckle to myself as I imagine trying to explain to a much-older dumpling exactly what he’d been playing with and wordlessly gather them up and deposit them back into their box under the counter.

I got Jas a new food bowl over the weekend. Her original one is porcelain and is now chipped thanks to a certain small person’s fascination with it (or, more accurately, the noise it makes if flung across the kitchen floor). The new one is a stainless steel bowl inside of a plastic holder and, though I know the steel will still be loud, at least I can be assured that it won’t shatter into a million pieces after being hurled yet again. For science!

I went to feed Jas this morning and realized that the dumpling had taken the stainless steel bowl and filled it with (stainless steel) cookie cutters. Not sure if that was a coincidence or he’s just really good at the organizational game.

I’m reading on the couch, keeping the dumpling in my peripheral vision. He’s pulling brightly colored tissue paper out of a Kleenex box (a sort of busy-toy I made for him). I see him toddle past me, purposefully heading for the kitchen and I know where he’s headed. Sure enough, I hear the sounds of the recycling bin lid a few moments later and I know he’s deemed the tissue paper as recycling and sorted it accordingly.

We seem to lose a sippy or snack cup on a daily basis. I have a running list of places to check:

  • Kitchen island, where sippy cups are stored
  • Baking drawer, where aforementioned cookie cutters are stored
  • Recycling bin, for obvious reasons
  • Bookshelf
  • Behind speaker bar for TV
  • Dresser drawers in the dumpling’s room

I added two additional hiding places this weekend:

  • Laundry basket, which now contains a water bottle and an ancient bottle of hair mouse that I honestly didn’t even know I had
  • A paper carry-out bag, which now contains approximately 36 cookie cutters, three tupperware containers, a container of sprinkles, an eyeglass cleaning cloth, a tub of Vic’s, and a can of black beans

I love watching him explore the world. He’s so purposeful in everything he does, be it putting something into the recycling bin or digging through my kitchen drawers. He’s to the stage now where he’s not only fascinated by emptying a drawer or cabinet or container, he also wants to put the items back into something. A different drawer or cabinet or container. This leads to delightful discoveries like all of our travelling toiletry items (you know, the little bottles of hotel shampoo you keep around for the next time you have to fly) jammed into what had been an empty contact solution box. Or all of the canned goods moved out of the pantry and into the cabinet. We’re constantly checking the recycling bin before we put it out for pick-up, lest my good tupperware or a perfectly good can of tomatoes gets recycled. I’ve also made peace with the fact that I will be tripping over small objects for probably the next 8-10 years. (Seriously! It’s one of the things you don’t think about before you have kids – the fact that you could walk around your house reasonably assured you wouldn’t trip and/or step on things like blocks or stray cheerios or a random ice tray.)

Through all of this play and seemingly inconsequential busy work, he’ll do something that will truly amaze and delight me. He brings me his books one by one, stacking them up on my lap. He tries to put his shoes on by himself. He tries to put my shoes on. He stacks his rings. He hugs the cat. He walks to the car. He motions to the front door when he wants to go outside. He recognized the milk we buy in the fridge at the grocery store and desperately tried to get the door open. He found Jas’s collar in my bathroom this morning and immediately left to go chase her down with it. He somehow knew exactly who it belonged to.

So keep on being busy, baby. Mama will keep being dumbfounded by what you suddenly know how to do.

A taste of SAH-Momming

Whew! The dumpling is back at daycare today. After an unfortunate coincidence of timing, he also had four shots this morning so he should be a PEACH by the time he gets home, but still! He was happy to go see other people at school this morning.

Honestly though, I had a really great time with him the past two days. He was sick, true, but he was such a little trooper. Although by yesterday I think even he was a bit scarred from all the puking and he kept making these little gags throughout the day. I could never tell if he actually felt nauseous or was just suspecting every cough and hiccup to end differently. His spirits, however, had lifted by then and he was his cheery self. We had the best time blowing bubbles and walking around the neighborhood. We played in the window and he used my legs as a slide over-and-over-and-over-and-over. I was delighted to discover that he’ll oblige you if you ask him for a hug (squee!) and – brace your ovaries my friends – he gives hugs to Jas (SQUEE!!!). It is the most precious thing you can imagine. He toddles over to her, puts his little arms around her and gives her a tight squeeze. SO CUTE. Jas, of course, barely stands for it, but I make her. For the sake of cuteness.

I kept thinking that this was a little taste of the stay at home mom life. Not beholden to any schedule or anyone (though, of course, I was still frantically trying to get work done during naptime and after bedtime….. which as I’m typing is probably not unlike a SAHM now that I think about it, just different work). I managed to get a ton of the inevitable post-stomach-bug laundry done, but the rest of the house was a disaster. My office looked like a tiny tornado had blown through, but the dumpling was entertained. It was peaceful, in a way. I’m still glad to have him back in daycare today, but I keep expecting him to come toddling up, demanding crackers or water or hugs. I miss that dude.

He had his 15mo well visit this morning. For the first time, his ASQ was completely normal. Go dumpling! I expected it, honestly, because he has made such strides these past few months. He amazes us with new skills every day (just this morning he started stacking his rings!). I think a verbal explosion is in the cards for him soon, but we’ll see. I don’t want to rush him. He communicates just fine for now with grunts and points and emphatic cries, although I suppose it would be handy for him to be able to tell me what he wants to eat instead of waving vaguely at the open fridge. Meh, it will come.

Estomach Go Blech

Fun news! The dumpling has a stomach bug!

Or stomach something. I can never tell with these things. He’s puked twice (so far) and I’m limiting him to crackers and water. Or I was, until he brought me a pouch he’d found in the pantry at 5:15 and I felt bad for the poor, hungry baby. Every cough though makes me tremble in fear (probably because that’s usually how I start the vomit process).

Anyway, it’s been a fun week here – what with the eye infection and the stomach pestilence. Luffy’s not feeling so hot today either (maybe coming down with a cold?), so I’m praying my immune system is up to the challenge. I’ve washed my hands approximately 2,359,831 times today – that helps right? I’ve also been very happy my washer has a “sanitize” setting, as I’d be a touch uncomfortable wearing my PJ’s from this morning again…. and that’s all I’ll say about that.

Wish us luck for tonight!

Weekend Joy

I was going to write this up yesterday (Monday), but then it took me over an hour to get to work due to multiple accidents. And then my sauerkraut leaked all over my car. And then I got the dreaded call from daycare to come pick up my diseased* child. And then I had to rearrange my day to care for a cranky-ish, infectious dude. And then I got screamed at for a half hour because I had the audacity to think a car ride** might help an interrupted nap. And then, once Luffy got him back to sleep peacefully, I had the audacity to wake the dumpling up from a perfectly WONDERFUL nap to buckle him into the car. Again. Like deja vu woman! And then we went to the pediatrician’s office where he was MOST displeased with me for not letting him out of the examination room when he so politely requested. And then I spent another hour in traffic trying to make it to my exercise class on time. So yeah, it was that kind of Monday.***

*He’s fine. Little bacterial infection in his eye which cleared up almost completely as soon as we used the drops. So Tuesday-edition dumpling is only like 2% diseased.

**I know dumpling. Mama’s sorry; I don’t know what I was thinking.

***But Luffy was the real MVP as he convinced the dumpling to sleep not once, but three times AND he took solo parental duties as I flitted off to teach class.

We had a glorious weekend, thank you for asking. And since I was kicking myself earlier over not writing down the happier times, I’m doing it now.

Saturday morning, Luffy took the dumpling to the playground for the first time as a mobile child and he liked it so much, we took him back two more times. We spent a collective four hours at the playground this weekend. It’s a great one, close to our house, that has separate areas for smaller kids and big kids. The dumpling mastered the climbing wall (not a traditional climbing wall, mind you, basically is was a staircase with unevenly placed and irregular steps) and we introduced him to slides. Saturday morning, he was unsure. Saturday afternoon, he had fun with help (mama getting him into position at the top and dada guiding him down). By Sunday morning, he was getting himself started at the top and only needed our help getting all the way down. (He kept getting stuck on his shoes, then he’d attempt to push up to stand.)

Besides the climbing wall and slides, he loves the steps (he got wonderful practice at holding on to the rail for support) and he had great fun wandering all over the park. We’d give him his sippy cup and off he’d go, to meander through the fields and parking lot, with his little entourage of adults following behind. And what an entourage it was! My mom came in for a quick visit and Luffy’s parents would meet us there, so we’d have five adults following the whims of a toddler. Great fun for him!

Besides the playground, he just played really, really well by himself. He was the sweetest little boy, giving hugs and unloading cabinets. He’d busy himself with the recycling bin, then wander into the living room for a quick snuggle and off he’d go again to upend the next drawer. My mom and I took him to Target and then to See’s Candies, where he stole 3/4 of a chocolate caramel from me and proceeded to amaze me by eating the entire thing. He then gestured broadly at the chocolate display case and I had to break his little heart that those weren’t ours for eating.

Anyway, nothing extraordinary except the quiet happiness of a wonderful weekend. Hope yours was enjoyable too!

One and Done

Luffy and I have decided. We’re changing our life-plan and sticking with our little family of three. One child. Just the dumpling. Honestly, other than my absurd wish to be pregnant again (anyone need these rose-colored glasses?) and hold a newborn (but only for like half an hour), the thought of just having one child brings me a lot of peace.

I wrote once, on a community board, that I feel like I’m too selfish to have another child. Not in a bad way, but more in a self-care way. Not to knock the dumpling or anything, but there are so many other things I enjoy in life. Plus, I’m not really into the whole mom sacrifices everything – her time, her body, her identity, EVERYTHING – to raise children. At the end of the day, I still want – nay NEED – time for myself. Time for my interests and hobbies, like exercising and travel. I’d really like to be able to teach at least three exercise classes a week again. Luffy and I would love to go to Italy again and we can’t wait to introduce our child to the joys of traveling. And hell, I need time to take care of myself. I’m a much better person with 15 minutes of peace and quiet. I don’t want to become a mother who hasn’t had a decent meal all day or whose children are well-dressed but she’s in sweats and unwashed hair. [Nothing against those mothers! It’s just not for me.]

With the plan for one child a go, Luffy and I have already started to become excited for the near future again. Travel! With and without the dumpling! We’re that much closer to getting a dog (because I refuse to be the primary care-giver for a puppy at the same time as a baby)! We’re that much closer to retirement! We’re that much closer to diaper-free days and meltdown-free days and – GUESS WHAT?! – we no longer have any newborn days in our future again! HOLLA!! WOOT WOOT!! and etc!!

Now don’t get me wrong, I am fully aware we might change our minds and we reserve the right to. Once the dumpling’s a little more independent and we’re through the ups/downs of early toddlerhood (read: teeeeeeeeeth because the dumpling is getting four right now). Once he can talk to us, maybe? We might change our minds. And that’s ok.

Right now though, my mental health is a lot, er, healthier with the thought of having just one. And that’s ok too.