Belle

Rookie Move

Remember that pic I showed you a week or so ago? With the dumpling’s blanket? Yeah, it’s a lot bigger than that now:

I’m really quite pleased with it, all things considered (like the fact that this is my first crochet project ever). I measured it yesterday and was shocked to realize that I’m over halfway done. Plus, the tape measure revealed – to my utter delight – that my design is almost exactly half of my needed length. So it should end up being symmetrical which is a damn near miracle, given I didn’t really start out with a plan. So yay! Looks like I’ll have this project wrapped up pretty soon!

When I started this project, I just grabbed two colors of yarn that I thought were pretty and would go well together. Since I had no idea how much yarn I would need, I thought I’d just buy it as I went along.

BIG MISTAKE

If you are thinking about doing your own crocheting project anytime soon and have stumbled upon this, please let me be clear that it was a horrible idea not to purchase all (or most) of the yarn I’d need before I started. I mean, my excuse is reasonable, I truly didn’t have any sort of first guess as to how much it would take. But! Buy first, return later. That’s my new mantra because….

I literally just bought the last ball of that guacamole color in the entire DFW area and I am thanking my lucky stars that I was even able to find it and wouldn’t have to rip out half of my project. But I don’t have it in my hands yet, so I’m still not resting easy.

You see, when I first bought the yarn, I purchased the only available ball of the guacamole color that that particular store had. They seemed to have plenty of the turquoise, but just the one guacamole. I didn’t think anything of it though – they would restock right? A few days later, when it was clear that I would definitely need more yarn, I went back to the store to pick up two more balls of turquoise but found the guacamole was still not available. AGAIN, I didn’t think anything of it – they probably only get shipments in once a week or something, right?

After working a lot on my project and measuring and calculating and realizing that I truly would need at least one more ball of guacamole (I mean thank goodness that I randomly decided to do the largest sections in turquoise!), I sat down to scour the stores. Much to my horror, guacamole wasn’t available. Anywhere. It sort of seemed to be in stock at another Michaels nearby, but when I physically drove to the store, I didn’t see it. I got back online again at home and was able to find it online in that particular store, available for store pick up. Hooray! When I changed the quantity to 2 (rather be safe that sorry), the website told me that the item I selected was no longer available. OH NOES!!!!

So yes, it seems that they had just the one single ball of guacamole left, which I immediately purchased for in-store pickup. (I actually made a separate purchase afterwards of more turquoise, but I didn’t want to risk that one last ball being sold while I was busy fiddling with my shopping cart!) I’m still nervous that they won’t actually have it after all. I was in the store not 45 minutes prior and couldn’t find it. But hopefully by this afternoon I’ll have all the yarn I need to complete my little dude’s blanket!

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Perfectly balanced

I know! I know! I have no right to use that quote, my only excuse is that it really does perfectly capture my day yesterday.

I had yesterday off – perks of working in a small office. (Lest you start getting jealous, I should point out that we only get 9 paid holidays a year. Which is actually still above national average, apparently, but still. My real gripe is that each year, a quick perusal of the holiday schedule makes me think that I get 10 holidays each year, until I notice that, without fail, each “yearly” holiday schedule shows New Years 0x and New Years 0x+1 which is just a little bit of false advertising if you ask me… which you didn’t, but you’re here so…)

Wow – off to a real exciting start here!

Anyway, I had yesterday off. Daycare was open, so I dropped that little dude off at school and came back to the house to tackle the first part of my planned day: a deep clean of the living room and kitchen. It was prompted by one too many sticky spills over the weekend, plus the fact that I haven’t truly mopped our home in an embarrassingly long time. You know how it is: I want to mop, but you can’t just mop. Mopping requires vacuuming first. Vacuuming requires tidying up. And if I’m tidying up, I might as well organize. And have you ever tried to organize with a two-year-old underfoot? It doesn’t go so well.

So yeah, I took advantage of my day off to organize the living room, kitchen and office. The dumpling’s play food, for instance, has been reunited with his play kitchen. Trucks are in the living room. Train sets have been reunited. I relocated a child’s table to the office for crafts (it used to be his dinner table, post-highchair rebellion but before he could really join us for dinner). According to Luffy, the dumpling was delighted to find it in the office and sat down to color immediately.

I vacuumed the floors, the rugs, under the rugs. The couch, under the couch. I mopped. I moved the couch to mop under it when I discovered a very crusty patch of what I could only assume was baby spit-up (ewe). My steam mop made quick work of the leftover mess, though the living room smelled distinctly like spit-up for a while after that and I realized that I had totally forgotten about that smell.

I spent the first few hours of my day off deep cleaning and it was glorious. I’m one of those people that finds a tangible sense of well-being in a well-cleaned and organized home. I know that it won’t last long (see above: two-year-old underfoot), but it was well worth the hours. I wrapped up about 2:30 and sat down to a small glass of champagne (a kudos to my efforts!) and crocheting. Spent a happy couple of hours adding on the the dumpling’s blanket and then went to teach my exercise class.

All in all, a very well-balanced day!

Not Quite

Famous last words and all that… I did actually end up having to visit my allergist. Friday morning (my second-to-last day of antibiotics) I woke up with excruciating sinus pain and pressure. Not too much congestion, but my face hurt. I cried uncle (again!) and called up my allergist to beg and plead to be squeezed in for a sick visit. They cautioned me that I’d have to wait and I did indeed do that. A full hour after my appointment time, I finally saw her, but it was well worth the wait.

Basically, I (and the doctor on demand) did everything right, but my sinus infection turned into a chronic one. Essentially, think of the infection in my sinuses like an onion (ewe) that was so powerful and rapidly multiplying that the antibiotics were only able to clear the top layer while the underlying layers grew thicker. The antibiotics just couldn’t keep up. So, I got another round of antibiotics (a different type and a longer regimen) as well as 15 days worth of steroids to keep everything open and able to drain.

I think it’s going well! I’ve had a lot more drainage over the past 24 hours or so (ewe, again, I know). I’m just hoping to really kick this infection this time. One of my friends mentioned that this was the turning point for sinus surgery for her twenty years ago or so. She had a chronic sinus infection that two rounds of antibiotics couldn’t touch and voila! Bought herself a ticket for surgical correction. I… really don’t want that option. So cross your fingers for me!

In other news, we’ve had a fantastic weekend around here. The dumpling got a hair cut and behaved awesomely! I was super unsure of how it would go because he woke up from his nap in the WORST mood. An hour afterwards and he wasn’t any better but I had to just pack him up and take him. I spent the car ride listening to wails and formulating my apologies to the stylist. Then, miraculously, it went fine. He was even smiling by the end! And she used two types of clippers on him! Stupendous! Incredible!

We rode on that high all the way through Target while I picked up some supplies to make impromptu banana bread. I got so many compliments on him as he was an absolute charmer throughout the store: picking up items that had fallen off shelves, being so exuberantly excited that we were getting potatoes, chatting up the older couple in the checkout lane in front of us. Words other people used to describe my child while we were at Target: adorable, charming, the best personality. It was excursions like this that make parenting worthwhile. Then we came home and I made marbled banana bread (recipe courtesy of the genius Smitten Kitchen and yes it is delicious).

Today, we’ve had brunch and played at an indoor playground and watched Daniel and played with flashlights and firefighter hats and just generally had a really awesome time.

And now for a bit more personal news: I think I’m ovulating.

So here’s the thing. I was testing for ovulation regularly like two weeks ago, as you know. They got really close to positive and then just. Didn’t. LH levels dropped. Nada. I figured that I probably just didn’t ovulate. Not exactly suprrising to have an anovulatory cycle following a miscarriage, so I really didn’t think much of it. I saw my doctor on Friday for my Well Woman’s visit and we chatted about it. He said I could probably expect my period in 1-4 weeks, though I was secretly fairly confident I could expect it early next week.

Then, this morning, while we were at the indoor playground of all places I had to excuse myself to go check on things. I was sure my period had started, but instead I found… well… a lot of cervical fluid indicative of peak fertility. So I came home and took another test and it was overwhelmingly positive. I’m definitely ovulating.

So here’s the trouble. My OB/GYN advised that I should have a full menstrual cycle before trying to conceive. However, if we do that, we’ll only get one more chance to conceive before we have to wait (self-imposed because of our own reasons, but still). But, I also just finished talking about how I’m on an extended round of steroids (not advisable) and antibiotics (ok but not ideal) and then I’ll need decongestants (a definite no-go). All of these pros and cons and I’m totally undecided as to whether we should try for it this time.

If I could guarantee that we’d repeat our luck next time – that I would for-sure conceive – then I would wait. Might as well get my health back in order (though there’s obviously no guarantee that I wouldn’t get another sinus infection or need decongestants later in the season… I needed them for the entire month of May last year). But yeah, if I could guarantee we’d get pregnant next month, I’d hold off this month. I’d follow my OB/GYN’s directive, I’d finish up this round of medication. I’d wait. But, I can’t. I can’t guarantee that. And I don’t think I could stand it if we waited and then I didn’t get pregnant.

So… I guess I’m saying we’re trying again. Now. Cross your fingers for us!

On the mend

I am finally – F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. – turning a corner. Fingers crossed and all that. By the time Saturday rolled around and my decongestant was doing essentially nothing, I cried uncle and used my handy doctor app. It’s actually not covered by my company’s new health insurance, but it’s so cheap and convenient that I used it anyway. (Not to mention healthier too, in a way. All I could think about when I contemplated dragging myself to an urgent care center was that I hope I don’t get the flu while I’m there.)

Steroids – check! Antibiotics – check! And as of today, Wednesday, five days after starting steroids and antibiotics, I think my ears have finally mostly released the pressure. I mean, they still feel kind of stuffy and pressurized, but, you know, it’s better. Ish. Mostly. I take my last dose of steroids today though so I’m hoping it will hold me. I really don’t want to visit with my allergist this week too, but I may not have another choice.

Speaking of all of this medical related business, you know how most things (medically speaking) in your life are inconsequential? You would never report back to your primary care physician that you had a cold a year ago when she was unavailable. You don’t mention to your GYN that you had a random case of hives a few months ago. Most illnesses and oddities fade into memory without a blip on the ol’ medical chart. Then there are the things that do stick around – the surgeries, the major complications, the major illnesses. I got to face my new reality this week.

I have my well woman’s visit scheduled for this Friday. (And yeah, I know I was supposed to have had it back in January, but I guess since I told them I was pregnant, my doc billed it as a prenatal appointment. Shrugs.) My office finally got on board with emailing our annual medical history questionnaires before the appointments. This makes me unreasonably happy, but I won’t bore you with those details. I’m filling out my medical history questionnaire as usual and come to the section regarding pregnancies. Last year, I was super excited to be able to mark down “1” pregnancy and “1” c-section delivery. Yesterday though, I was far less excited to update that to “2” pregnancies, “1” c-section delivery, and “1” miscarriage.

There it was, in black and white. Still just as hard to see it written out as that news was back then.

On a much lighter note, I took up a new hobby! Crocheting!

I had been idly toying with the idea of taking up a hobby like crocheting to give me something to do with my hands in the evening. I hate that thing I do, let’s see if you recognize it too. Have you ever been watching TV but been sort of, I don’t know, bored? So you pick up your phone? And the next thing you know, you’re simultaneously browsing Instagram while watching your show and you don’t really know what’s happening with your show, because you’re browsing Insta, but you don’t put your phone down? Please tell me other people do that too. Personally, I hate that. I hate when I take a step back and realize that I need a screen to entertain me while I’m literally watching a screen.

The other thing that I’m painfully aware of right now is how much the dumpling sees Luffy and I on our phones and computers. I’ll throw Luffy under the bus right now (love you honey!) and say that he’s on his computer and/or phone all the time because he pretty much is. Not that I blame him for that! It’s just that everything he enjoys doing is electronic – from games to articles to forums to learning – it’s all on the computer/tablet/phone. As are most things nowadays. Hell, even when I read the dumpling interprets me as being on a screen since I read a kindle.

Screens! They’re everywhere! Run for your lives!!

[And yes, I do crack myself up.]

Don’t get me wrong. Luffy and I don’t kid ourselves that we’ll be able to raise a screen-free child. We wouldn’t want to even if we thought we could. Screens are the future. We are only going to be inundated by more and more digital media in the coming years. But, especially for his age-range, I do like modeling an activity that isn’t screen-related. I wanted the dumpling to see me do something for fun that isn’t electronic. On the plus side for me, crocheting isn’t as enigmatic and alluring as a phone to the dumpling. He sees me crocheting and he’s like boring whereas he sees me on my phone and he wants to take over and watch videos of himself. Win win for me!

So that’s how crocheting came into my life. I started with some quick tutorials over the weekend and quickly decided on my first project. I want to make a blanket for the dumpling’s bed. We don’t really have a suitable cold-weather blanket for his crib (and what will be his toddler bed). Our blankets are either too big or too small, which is fine right now because he’s still in his zippy. But he’ll drop that eventually and when he does he’ll need a better blanket. Cue me and my new crocheting skills! In all honestly, other than the size, it’s an easy first project. I decided to use two colors – turquoise and guacamole (which sounds really weird in print but I swear looks good together) – in stripes. I had decided to do a pattern like 10 x 5 x 2.5 x 1 x 2.5 x 5 x 10 (in rows, basically meaning that each stripe is narrower than the one before until you reach the center and then they widen), which I still like. However, it occurred to me last night that I need to do some math first because I want to make sure the blanket as a whole looks good. So we’ll see. Still brushing up on that.

I’ve actually made a lot of progress since that pic, which was snapped on Saturday night. I’ve doubled the width of the blue strip and I am already finished on my first green one (the 5 row-er). So yeah! We’ll see if this becomes a long-term hobby. I mean, there are only so many blankets you can crochet, though I’ve already thought up a couple of ideas for future gifts.

Blrgh

I’m sick. Le boo. Made it 38 days into the new year, so I guess that’s good. Honestly though, there was nothing I could do because it was literally 80 degrees here on Monday and now it’s 36. It started on Monday with what I swear was a tickle in my right sinus. I attacked it with all I had (antihistamine spray, steroid spray, and sinus wash) as soon as I got home and Tuesday seemed to go ok. But I woke up in the wee hours of Wednesday morning with excruciating sinus pain on my right side.

Yesterday went pretty well too, after I took some meds at 2am. The decongestant kept me clear all day. Today… not so much. The pressure has pushed out towards my ears now. I’m stuffy, even with a decongestant. I couldn’t even use my sinus rinse because it’s just completely blocked off.

So anyway, great fun here. I’m really hoping to feel better before the weekend because keeping up with the dumpling while I feel like this would not be fun.

On a completely different note, sometimes I love browsing through Facebook. I mean, most of the time it can feel like a cesspool of MLM’s and political rants. I don’t know about you, but I definitely utilize their option to unfollow people. I don’t need to see your re-posts of off-color humor.

What I do find fascinating though, is stumbling across high school or childhood friends. It is SO interesting to see how people end up sometimes. When we were little, they seemed so normal, so average. One of my friends from high school is a hardcore granola mom now. She talks about her home birth, her essential oil habits, and more. Just today, she posted a video from YouTube about the dangers of the new 5G network. Yes, you read that right, dangers of 5G. I chuckled to myself and moved on.

And then there are the people that just … wow. Wow. They seem to take a nosedive off of rational thought and right into the deep end of the crazy pool. Anti-vaxxers, for instance. The daughter of one of my role models is an anti-vaxxer and I truly can’t fathom that. Her mother was so kind and smart; how could the daughter not “believe” in vaccines? She also seems to be very racist and extremely political. Believe me, I unfollowed her as soon as I could, but I’m still can’t believe it.

Well, that’s all today folks. Just gotta power through the rest of the work day so that I can take it easy and hopefully get to feeling better.

Line Eye

Info-mercial voice over:

Have you ever wanted to feel like you’re losing you sanity? Do YOU like questioning reality? Ever longed for feeling like a crazy person?

WELL I HAVE A NEW HOBBY FOR YOU!!

Seriously y’all, nothing makes me feel crazier than the amount of second-guessing I do when looking at my ovulation tests. You would think it would be easy. If the two lines are equal, it’s positive. If the test line is lighter than the control, it’s negative. Simple as that! But here’s a little glimpse of what I go through every morning:

One-one-thousand
Two-one-thousand
Three-one-thousand

Meticulously lays stick on flat surface, careful not to touch anything.

Starts three minute timer on phone.

[Goes about business, studiously ignoring the test, lest I bias the results by trying to interpret too early.]

Timer goes off.

Ok! Let’s take a look at those lines! Yesterday’s was negative. BUT. I think it was less negative than the day before. Maybe.

It’s positive! 

Maybe.

It’s actually kind of streak-y.

And the control line isn’t even the same darkness from top-to-bottom.

Maybe I should wait another minute or so.

After all, the window is 3-5 minutes.

It is really humid this morning. The test probably can’t dry adequately in three minutes.

However, if I look at this one at 5 minutes, I can’t really compare it to my results from yesterday because I looked at that one at 3 minutes.

Which would completely invalidate my comparison.

Probably.

Maybe I should take a second test. See if it’s less streak-y.

Ok nope, on second look this is negative too. But! I think it’s almost a positive.

Does that mean that tomorrow will be the day?!

[Pulls up photo from December’s positive ovulation test.]

Oh wait. Well this looks nothing like that.

Guess I’ll be waiting.

Honestly it’s enough to make me yearn for the empty circle/smiley face results of the expensive ovulation tests. But then my body laughs at me because – did you see the quantity? 10. I would have already gone through those, in just this month’s testing. And I haven’t ovulated yet. $25 literally down the drain. I’ll stick with my cheapies, thanks.

Waiting game

We’re in a holding pattern – the all familiar waiting game. To be fair to myself, it’s far too early to start worrying about the fact that I haven’t ovulated yet. I myself said, not four weeks ago, that my cycle is very irregular. So I’ll sit tight. And wait.

In the meantime, I have things to tell you! Random things! Hooray for you!

Every time I make the commute into downtown Dallas I am oh so glad that I only make the drive twice a week now. I truly feel that traffic has only gotten worse in the five years that we’ve lived in the ‘burbs. I talked about this subject with on of my partners just the other day, so I feel pretty confident that it’s not just me.

For instance, Monday morning was a drive like any other. No major accidents or unusual traffic jams and it still took me 50 minutes to drive from garage to garage. 50 minutes! When I think about what I could be doing in that 50 minutes, it drives me crazy. Then, on the same Monday, on my way home from exercise, I hit an accident. At 8pm at night traffic was less dense than daytime, but it still held me up an extra 5-10 minutes. I realize that I’m biased because I grew up in a town where you can literally get anywhere in 10 minutes or so, but DFW area traffic is insane.

My little dumpling is currently obsessed with throwing things up over his head to have them shower down (think leaves, woodchips, etc). It’s adorable. I should also probably be less inclined to brag over this, but he’s also obsessed with a specific episode of Dinosaur Train (the one with the allosaurus) and Daniel Tiger (the one with the leaf walk). He asks for them each time and it’s precious.

I was gathering up the recycling this morning. The first dump into the large bin is always quite loud, considering all of the cans and glass. It sometimes scares the dumpling, but this morning, after the din of of empty drink containers had subsided, he called out to me from the living room:

You ok mama?

Precious baby.

Our insurance claim work has finally been wrapped up. Hooray! We have a new roof, new gutters, a refinished garage ceiling (at least the corner), and a new window. I’m glad that it’s all done, as I kept having to adjust my schedule to accommodate the subcontractors. My hope for 2019 is that nothing major breaks this year. 2018 was a little expensive.

One way I can tell I’m getting older: my body hurts more. I used to be able to sit in any position – legs crossed, legs folded, split, practically upside-down – for any length of time and be truly comfortable. I could hold the dumpling in my lap indefinitely. I could sit on our hardwood floors without a care in the world. Now, at 31, I admit defeat. I’m finding that I become uncomfortable quickly. My legs fall asleep. The dumpling sits heavy on my leg and I can no longer accommodate him. Although it’s not a big deal, I’m truly disappointed to say goodbye to my previous flexibility in comfort.

And that’s it, I think. A round-up of random thoughts. Happy hump-day everyone!