My apologies in advance for the rambling post here. We’re in newborn survival mode over here. I’m still getting the hang of this mom business. I was lamenting to my own mother the other day that I really wish human bodies were capable of carrying the pregnancy another three months so. I know it would not be fun to be pregnant for a full year, but at least they wouldn’t come out needing two hour feedings.
We’re doing well at home though. My mom stayed with us the first week and I honestly don’t know how I would have done it without her. I wasn’t prepared for the absolute dive my hormones would take. I’m an optimistic, cheery person by nature, but for the first several days home I was a wreck of anxiety and feeling depressed.
It really took me by surprise, how strongly I felt that I would never be able to do this. That we had made a huge mistake. I love my son, but I was so anxious over the situation that I couldn’t sleep well – even though my mom was basically pulling all nighters to care for the little. My chest would tighten and my arms would tingle and I would just panic in my bed. I didn’t start to feel like my normal self until Sunday and even then it was hard to keep the optimism.
My mom’s presence was amazing. I truly can’t thank her enough for all her help and support. Luffy and I have a huge leg up right now because of all she did. I’m not a zombie (yet) because of her and I know that I’m healing quicker because of her help. I would have bribed her to stay my entire maternity leave if I didn’t know, deep down, that I need to do this myself.
Luffy has been wonderful too. It’s been hard on him. He loves our little guy too, but the disruption in our regular life is taking a toll on him. The crying at odd (and early) hours, the constant need, the never-ending cycle of eat-change-sleep-repeat. I know he’ll get there. We both will. Right now, we’re so worried about each other and trying to make each other lives’ easier (which is what gives me faith that we’ll get there).
In other news, I’ve already become very familiar with the daytime television schedule. And literally every time I see someone with a child – be it on television or social media, a toddler or a teenager – I tell myself that if they can make it through the newborn phase, so can we.
That’s my new mantra for the next three months. If they can do it, so can I.