Cool, Calm, and – Wait No, That’s Not Me

After I posted Wednesday’s post, about how amazing it is that I’m finally starting to show a bit and how I’m looking forward to the fun milestones the second trimester brings, I started doing a bit of reading. Casual stuff, on parenting blogs I like. Please note that I’ve done this forever, long before we were actually trying to conceive. I enjoy reading about sleeping conundrums and potty training. I don’t know, I’m weird.

Wednesday morning it was a post about pumping that got me started down the rabbit hole. I merrily clicked through articles, reading about labor and delivery questions and in-law troubles. Everything was fine until I stumbled across another pumping article – this one specifically related to pumping at work. For some reason, this simple connection suddenly made me connect the dots and I realized that, at this very point in time a year from now, I could be pumping at work. But wait, I thought to myself, where would I pump? I don’t have an office. Would it be the bathroom? Cause that’s kind of terrible. And there are two opinions here both agreeing that the pumping-at-work essentially ended their supply and marked the end of breastfeeding. That kind of sucks. What if I don’t want to quit yet?

And all of a sudden – ALL REAL LIFE LIKE – I was hyperventilating slightly, realizing the amount of stuff I need to do, the amount of huge decisions I need to make, all with a stark deadline now. Before we got pregnant, my thoughts were all hazy some-days. Plans to work part-time if I could swing it or cloth diaper our child were all rosy futures I envisioned for “one day”, but now the safety of that haziness is gone. I need most of this stuff figured out before November. Of this year. As in, a mere six months away. Things like breastfeeding (yes! but what if I have problems?), maternity leave (yes! but my company hasn’t told me what they’re going to give me yet), family staying with us after the birth (sure! until you start driving me crazy and I need mah personal space back), daycare options (yes? no? maybe! – good luck making plans on maybe!), going back to work (full-time? part-time? no-time?), not to mention the thousand of little things like cloth diapering or cribs or a stroller or baby wearing or or OR…

It’s the to-do list that ate America. Or, at least, the to-do list that ate Belle.

I remind myself to breathe. I have plenty of time. Plus, having a hard deadline for decisions doesn’t necessarily mean I have to be 100% confident in those decisions. If we try something (part-time work, for instance) and it doesn’t work out, we can re-evaluate and adjust. Inhale …. Exhale ….

Please refer me back to this post in the future as I’ll probably need the reminder a hundred or a bajillion more times before October.