Small Moments II

My troubles ovulating have been forefront in my mind lately. Perhaps it was the crashing hormones last week, or the fact that my follow-up GYN appointment got moved up three days and now I only have a week (only seven days!!!) to ovulate on my own. Whatever the cause, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Not so much in a negative light – more just wistful. Luffy, ever optimistic and supportive, reminded me to appreciate our time together right now. So this is a reminder for me, to embrace the joy in the small things that make our life wonderful right now.

Our friends who live in California were in Austin this past weekend. We decided to visit them while they were a three hour car ride, rather than a four hour plane ride, away. We packed up the car with a few essentials on Saturday morning, kissed Jas good bye, and headed out through the rain. We had some great meals and stayed out until the early morning hours. We drank whiskey and danced to 80’s hits (the bar we inadvertently went to was having an 80’s night, complete with costumes and music videos). We slept in to a shocking 8:30am and then took our time getting breakfast. We made it home in time to curl up on the couch with Jas (after she tried to convince us that perhaps it was dinner time? food? now? rowr?) and watch football.

We had a wonderful weekend and it’s definitely something we won’t really be able to do after we have children. I mean, I’m sure we’ll see our friends. I’m sure we’ll still travel and visit other places. But to pick up and go like that on a whim? Doubtful. To stay out until 2am like we’re in college? Probably not. To sleep in until a ridiculous 8:30?! From what I’ve heard, nope. So right now, while our only encumbrance is making sure Jas gets fed on time, I’ll appreciate being able to set off on our next adventure at a moment’s notice.

Two weekends ago, Luffy and I happened to get the bulk of our chores done on Saturday. Sunday dawned chilly and a little overcast – perfect weather to do absolutely nothing. Which is exactly what we did. We spent the entire day watching TV or reading or playing games without a care in the world. The house was quiet and peaceful. I appreciated being able to bask in the glory of having absolutely nothing urgent to take care of.

Beyond things like a quiet house or travelling without notice, I really, really appreciate the time I get to spend with Luffy. Just him and me. I know our relationship, the one between just the two of us, will continue to strengthen and grow in the coming years – regardless of what happens on the fertility front – but it’s also nice to just have each other to care for right now. And our little pumpkin Jas.

Just a little reminder, to anyone trying so hard to conceive and especially to myself, slow down. Grieve for the process that seems to go so smoothly for everyone else, but keep enjoying life. Keep finding those small moments.