Musings of Belle – live-blog edition

Shout out to the WordPress app for allowing me to blog from my doctor’s office! Wooo!

So, pull up a chair, keep me company while I wait.

Between you and me, it’s hard to be here.

First off, there’s the simple fact that there are so many pregnant ladies milling about. And I know I shouldn’t judge. I know that I have no clue about any of these ladies – how long it took them to conceive or what issues they had. But damn, it still hurts because so many of them are overweight or are clearly demonstrating some bad pre-conception habits. I am healthy. I am at a healthy weight. I eat great. I exercise. I’m young, but not can’t-afford-my-own-health-insurance-young. I know life’s not fair, but this is so unfair. Ugh.

Whoops. Sorry about spilling water on you there. My hands get away from me when I talk. All Italian-like. Just like my grandma. Full of hand gestures and waving. So where was I?

Then, there’s also the fact that being here makes me feel like I’m admitting defeat. Waving the white flag and admitting that, yeah, I probably need medical help to get pregnant or even to ovulate. I know there’s nothing wrong with that, it’s all in my head. Still. In my head, I didn’t want it to be like that. Ugh. But I’m glad I’m here. I’m glad I didn’t put it off any longer. It’s a step in the right direction.

Man, I’m so whiney when you’re right here. Sorry about that. Honestly, just putting it in words makes me feel better. And I promise not to spill my water on you again like that, my apologies. Here you are being all nice, keeping me company, and I’m just dousing you with water. Can’t take me anywhere.