The Joy of Home-ownership #1,542

So, I hope everyone had a great weekend. I took an impromptu Friday off last week and tackled household tasks. It was awesome. Luffy thinks I’m not right in the head (who uses a personal day to tackle lawn work?!). So Friday was great; Saturday was not so great. It started out on the wrong foot with a killer hangover thanks to copious amounts of alcohol and a very, very late night out Friday, complicated by the fact that I teach an exercise class at 8:15. Yes, that’s 8:15am. My cardinal rule is that I can either drink or stay out late the night before a class, but never both. Drunk me was not as concerned with this rule (tomorrow’s class is future Belle’s problem, obviously).

Anyway, I managed to teach a great class and came home to what can only be described as the scent of death hanging over my kitchen. Luffy had just taken out the recyclables when he first noticed the smell. He shot Jasmine a glare, blaming her for the offensive odor, but I was pretty sure she hadn’t pooped in the kitchen. I opened a window, thinking it was the lingering eau de garbage.

However, fifteen minutes later, the smell still hadn’t dissipated. If anything, it had gotten stronger. Luffy retreated to the living room while I started trying to track down the smell. Imagine, if you will, me sniffing around our kitchen, trying to follow my nose to the source (I channeled my inner bloodhound for this endeavor). Every time I thought I had it cornered (“the smell is definitely coming from this area”), it seemed to move. I took both the trash can and the recycling can to the backyard for cleaning. I threw away miscellaneous boxes that had been sitting around for months. I sniffed at my potted succulents and ivy. I sniffed around the back of every cabinet. We pulled out our fridge and I cleaned beneath it. I extricated approximately 400 assorted cat toys from the bottom of the fridge, as well as two wine corks, four plastic safety wrap things, and one more cat toy (“Jasmine, I did not pull all of these out just so you can chase them under here again!”). I mopped the floors and washed the baseboards. I sniffed at the back of the microwave, oven, and dishwasher. I opened almost every container of food in our house, in both the pantry and fridge. I spent over an hour crawling all over my kitchen.

You guys, I still have no idea what or where that smell came from. Another joy of home-ownership: mysterious smells of decay. Eventually, it dissipated. By Saturday evening, we only caught occasional whiffs and by Sunday it was almost completely gone. Our kitchen is usable again, but for a few hours there I thought we’d have abandon it completely.